Sunday, March 21, 2010

working mom....

Last week was my first week back to work and Avery's first week in daycare. My first day back to work was something I thought about for a long time. I started thinking about it when I first told my boss that I was pregnant. As my pregnancy progressed and I became more and more attached to the little baby growing inside of me, I wondered if I would be as excited to return to work as I had previously thought. Then Avery was here, lying on my chest screaming at the world. I was so instantly in love that returning to work was not something I ever thought of.
I had decided to take 8 weeks off to care for and bond with Avery. 8 weeks seemed like a lot of time. All of a sudden Avery was 6 weeks old and I was faced with the daunting milestone of going back to work and dropping my little girl off at daycare for the first time. I was a mess. I had been talking to daycares since October trying to find the right fit for my family. We decided to go with an in home daycare close to my job and our home. Just about 7 minutes from home and 5 from work.
Monday came and I cried all morning, wisely deciding to skip mascara as I got ready for the day. I dropped her off, rambled through my instructions on her routine and feedings. I got to my car and sat in front of the house sobbing, not able to put the car in drive and head to work. Thank goodness for my DH. He talked me into driving away all the while telling me just how strong I was and that this would be good for all of us.
I made it through the morning, counting down the minutes to my lunch break and a chance to snuggle my little girl and make sure that she was really ok. She was great! Snuggled with the daycare lady, happy, fed, and clean. I made it through the rest of the day and raced back to her. The next day was a little easier and Avery seemed more than ok with daycare, she was loved. The owner loves her, the other kids love her and she is happy to see me at the end of the day.
I realized this week that she is doing great, this is good for her. I also realized that as much as I would like to spend every day at home taking care of Avery, I can't. It just isn't possible to do that and pay our bills. I also realized that Avery will learn a lot at daycare and she will make friends! Another realization I came to was that I like my job, and I am really good at my job. By working DH and I will be able to give Avery everything she needs and we are still able to spend lots of quality time with her. Nothing feels as good as walking into a room and watching my baby realize her mommy is there. The smile melts my heart everytime!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

one week.....

I am now one week, seven very short days, away from heading back to work. I have loved being a stay at home mommy for the past two months and I am having a hard time imagining a life as a working mom. I keep telling myself this will be good for all of us. However, I just don't want it to happen. Is there a way to stop time? To keep my little girl a 7 week old for just a little longer? I know there isn't but I just want to keep her tiny and snuggly and all to myself for just a few more weeks. I have been trying to remind myself that I was so very lucky to get to stay home for 8 weeks. I really should have gone back to work a week ago, my check book is really feeling the two weeks of unpaid leave. I also need to remember that I am really good at my job and for the most part I really enjoy what I do.

I am also trying to remember that going to daycare will be good for Avery. She will get to interact with other kids, and I know she will be better off for it. (Just like I will be better off getting more interaction with other adults). I worry that I will start wishing for the weekends and before I know it she will be ready for her first date and then headed off to college.
I never expected motherhood to have me so confused. On one hand I don't want anything to change, I want Avery to be my tiny little baby forever. On the other hand I can't wait to show her how to ride a bike, teach her to read, and watch her daddy teach her to fish. Can't I have my cake and eat it too?

Avery is 1 month and 3 weeks old....and growing up too fast!

Monday, March 1, 2010

6 Weeks

My little chicken is six weeks old. I can't believe how fast the time has gone. I knew I would love being a mommy but I never expected to love it this much. Avery is the best parts of DH and I and by far the best thing I have ever done. I am getting ready to go back to work :o( I thought I would be ready to go six weeks pp I am no where near ready. I have been feeling really sorry for myself the last few days, I decided to stop that. I get two more weeks home with my beautiful baby and many mommies get much less than that.
I am also incredibly lucky to have a wonderful DH that has supported me and Avery more than I ever could have asked for. He is the most amazing daddy. He loves our little girl more than life, he cannot wait to get home to us and he can't wait to show her the world. I am completely in love with both of them...they are my whole world. I never could have imagined how perfect my life could be.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Introducing Avery Ann!!!!

I can't believe it has taken me so long to get around to writing down Avery's birth story. I am already forgetting some of the details of that magical day. Thursday January 14th we had a doctor's appointment for my 38 week belly check. I was 4 cm and 100% effaced. My doctor decided to strip my membranes in hopes of getting my labor started. She told me to call the office if I was still pregnant on Friday afternoon and we would discuss induction for early the next week. I was really hoping that I would go into labor (I was so done with work and people and being pregnant at this point). DH's sister had invited us over for dinner after my appointment. We had some time to kill after the appointment so we went to Cabela's to walk in hopes of speeding things along. After about an hour we headed to dinner. We got home about 8:30 and I started having contractions that we about 8 minutes apart for almost 2 hours. DH and I decided to go to bed and get some rest just incase it was reall labor.
I woke up at 1:45 to pee and while I was sitting there I felt a pop and what might have been a gush of water but I couldn't tell for sure. I instantly went into active labor. I had the most intense contraction I had ever experienced that was accompanied by incredible pressure. The contractions were 5 minutes apart and after about 30 minutes DH called the hospital. They said we should wait until they were 5 minutes apart for about an hour or so and suggested I take a shower while we waited.
As soon as I got in the shower my contractions started coming closer together and after just a few minutes they were 3 minutes apart and then 2 minutes apart. Every time I had a contraction I would yell for DH to start timing. As soon as they were 2 minutes apart DH started loading the truck and telling me to get out of the shower, we needed to leave now!
We got in the car and the pain was beyond intense. DH made the 45 minute drive in about 25 minutes. We got to the hospital at 3:30 am. I was dilated to 6 cm and the contractions were coming right on top of each other. I walked in the door asking for an epidural. The poor nurses delt with my inability to sit still or communicate very well. I was quite the bitch. I had to get through one bag of IV fluids before they would give me an epidural, right after they started the IV they called for the epidural. While we were waiting the nurses and my DH helped me get through the contractions (I wish I was quiet but I was very vocal). After about 45 minutes the anesthisiologist came in and the nurse decided to check me. I was now dilated to 8 cm. I was terrified I wouldn't get the epiedural (the cut off at my hospital is 6 cm). I was lucky and they decided to try it anyway. She tried 3 times because I couldn't arch my back enough and I had a really hard time sitting still. It took a few contractions but after about 15 minutes all I could feel was pressure. While we were waiting for everything to take effect DH called our families to let them know it was ok to come to the hospital. They all started showing up right as the epidural took full effect. By 6:00 am I was fully dilated and the nurse called my doctor.
Even though my doctor wasn't on call the nurse called her and she said she would come in to deliver Avery. I labored down for about an hour and started pushing at 7:15. I got the hang of pushing fairly quick and Avery was here at 8:03 am. Avery was 8 lbs 9 oz and 20 inches long! It was the most incredible moment of my life. It was just DH and I in the room, I will remember the look on his face when she cried for the first time and how great it felt to have her on my chest.
I am madly in love with my daughter and seeing my husband as a father to our daughter has been the most amazing and wonderful experience of my life. Now for some pictures of our beautiful daughter!

Avery and Daddy!

Our little family!

Going home!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Baby's now the size of a watermelon!
Your full-term (yay!) baby is gaining about 1/2 ounce a day and getting his first sticky poop (called meconium) ready. He's also brushing up on skills for the outside world: blinking, sucking, inhaling, exhaling, and gripping (it's getting strong!).

How far along? 37 weeks!!!
Total weight gain: Down 4 lbs. I gained more weight the doctor thinks a lot of it was fluid.
Maternity clothes? Indeed! some of those maternity shirts are getting a bit small :o)
Sleep: still up multiple times each night to pee and I am finding getting comfortable very difficult.
Best moment this week: We found out I am still 3 cm and I am now 80% effaced. My body is definitely getting ready.
Movement: yes!
Gender: Girl!!!
Labor Signs: I am still contracting and I am feeling sharp pains in my cervix.
Belly Button in or out? In. I don't think it is going to pop.
What I miss: Sleeping comfortably and walking without a waddle.
What I am looking forward to: Doctor's appointment and finding out if I have made any more progress.
Weekly wisdom: Enjoy your time as a couple before the baby comes. DH and I went out on our first date in a long time. It was just dinner and a movie but it was a lot of fun.
Milestones: We are full term! She is free to come at any time.

Here is the latest belly pic

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Baby's now the size of a honeydew!
Baby's skin is getting smooth and soft, her gums are rigid, her liver and kidneys are in working order, and her circulation and immune system are basically good to go. Her lungs are the only organs that still need to fully mature, but every day she gets a little closer to breathing on her own.

How far along? 36 weeks!!!
Total weight gain: Down 6 lbs. I gained that pound from last week back!
Maternity clothes? Indeed! some of those maternity shirts are getting a bit small :o)
Sleep: still up nightly to pee :o) make this about 3 to 4 times each night.
Best moment this week: She dropped and I am 50% effaced and almost 3 cm dilated.
Movement: yes!
Gender: Girl!!!
Labor Signs: Starting to experience some real contractions. Hopefully they lead to more progress at my appointment Wednesday.
Belly Button in or out? In. I don't think it is going to pop.
What I miss: After the holidays I noticed I am really missing a cocktail or a nice glass of wine.
What I am looking forward to: Doctor's appointment and last growth ultra sound on Wednesday!!!
Weekly wisdom: A little bit of progress might not mean anything. I have no more progress for weeks. I am trying not to get my hopes up.
Milestones: less than one week until I am full term. And as of this morning I am an Auntie!!!!