Sunday, March 21, 2010

working mom....

Last week was my first week back to work and Avery's first week in daycare. My first day back to work was something I thought about for a long time. I started thinking about it when I first told my boss that I was pregnant. As my pregnancy progressed and I became more and more attached to the little baby growing inside of me, I wondered if I would be as excited to return to work as I had previously thought. Then Avery was here, lying on my chest screaming at the world. I was so instantly in love that returning to work was not something I ever thought of.
I had decided to take 8 weeks off to care for and bond with Avery. 8 weeks seemed like a lot of time. All of a sudden Avery was 6 weeks old and I was faced with the daunting milestone of going back to work and dropping my little girl off at daycare for the first time. I was a mess. I had been talking to daycares since October trying to find the right fit for my family. We decided to go with an in home daycare close to my job and our home. Just about 7 minutes from home and 5 from work.
Monday came and I cried all morning, wisely deciding to skip mascara as I got ready for the day. I dropped her off, rambled through my instructions on her routine and feedings. I got to my car and sat in front of the house sobbing, not able to put the car in drive and head to work. Thank goodness for my DH. He talked me into driving away all the while telling me just how strong I was and that this would be good for all of us.
I made it through the morning, counting down the minutes to my lunch break and a chance to snuggle my little girl and make sure that she was really ok. She was great! Snuggled with the daycare lady, happy, fed, and clean. I made it through the rest of the day and raced back to her. The next day was a little easier and Avery seemed more than ok with daycare, she was loved. The owner loves her, the other kids love her and she is happy to see me at the end of the day.
I realized this week that she is doing great, this is good for her. I also realized that as much as I would like to spend every day at home taking care of Avery, I can't. It just isn't possible to do that and pay our bills. I also realized that Avery will learn a lot at daycare and she will make friends! Another realization I came to was that I like my job, and I am really good at my job. By working DH and I will be able to give Avery everything she needs and we are still able to spend lots of quality time with her. Nothing feels as good as walking into a room and watching my baby realize her mommy is there. The smile melts my heart everytime!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

one week.....

I am now one week, seven very short days, away from heading back to work. I have loved being a stay at home mommy for the past two months and I am having a hard time imagining a life as a working mom. I keep telling myself this will be good for all of us. However, I just don't want it to happen. Is there a way to stop time? To keep my little girl a 7 week old for just a little longer? I know there isn't but I just want to keep her tiny and snuggly and all to myself for just a few more weeks. I have been trying to remind myself that I was so very lucky to get to stay home for 8 weeks. I really should have gone back to work a week ago, my check book is really feeling the two weeks of unpaid leave. I also need to remember that I am really good at my job and for the most part I really enjoy what I do.

I am also trying to remember that going to daycare will be good for Avery. She will get to interact with other kids, and I know she will be better off for it. (Just like I will be better off getting more interaction with other adults). I worry that I will start wishing for the weekends and before I know it she will be ready for her first date and then headed off to college.
I never expected motherhood to have me so confused. On one hand I don't want anything to change, I want Avery to be my tiny little baby forever. On the other hand I can't wait to show her how to ride a bike, teach her to read, and watch her daddy teach her to fish. Can't I have my cake and eat it too?

Avery is 1 month and 3 weeks old....and growing up too fast!

Monday, March 1, 2010

6 Weeks

My little chicken is six weeks old. I can't believe how fast the time has gone. I knew I would love being a mommy but I never expected to love it this much. Avery is the best parts of DH and I and by far the best thing I have ever done. I am getting ready to go back to work :o( I thought I would be ready to go six weeks pp I am no where near ready. I have been feeling really sorry for myself the last few days, I decided to stop that. I get two more weeks home with my beautiful baby and many mommies get much less than that.
I am also incredibly lucky to have a wonderful DH that has supported me and Avery more than I ever could have asked for. He is the most amazing daddy. He loves our little girl more than life, he cannot wait to get home to us and he can't wait to show her the world. I am completely in love with both of them...they are my whole world. I never could have imagined how perfect my life could be.